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Bondage Play Bondage play is increasing in popularity. Many people fantasize about playing bondage games but are unsure where to start, how to make sure it is safe, or what to use. This fact sheet is an introduction to bondage play that will ensure your sessions are fun, sexually exciting and safe.
What is Bondage Play? Also called BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism), bondage
play can be many things. Tying up your lover for example, or flogging or bossing that person around. BDSM is highly erotic and psychologically charged. One person (the "submissive") agrees to submit to another person (the "dominant"). Some people like to be submissive all the
time, others prefer to be dominant. Some people like to switch between the two roles. BDSM does not need to be 'hardcore'. It can be remarkably soft and sensual. For example, running a
feather over your lovers body. For some, giving and inflicting pain (within agreed limits) is part of the play. For others it would be a non-starter. Everything that happens in a BDSM session is consensual. It's not about the dominant partner getting what they want - it's more about the submissive getting what they want. An essential part of the BDSM game is for the submissive to set the rules - what can and can't happen. What the limits are. How they can opt out. For many people, BDSM provides a context and a set of tools for exploring personal boundaries in a safe, fun, erotic and mutually reciprocal way. It can be a vehicle for getting to know your lover in a far more deep and intimate way than you ever thought possible.
What can you do?
Restraint Play. There is every variation of restraint available - from simple handcuffs to full
rope bondage. The key to enjoyment is in what happens after you've been tied up. What is your partner going to do once you are 'helpless'? Touch, stroke, excite, cause pain? You
can buy an enormous variety of restraints specifically made for BDSM in many different materials. Sensations Play Whether your partner is restrained or not, sensation plays a large role in BDSM games. Feathers, fur, sharp objects, ice, sandpaper - each has its own sensation. Some people enjoy hot wax being dripped on them. We recommend candles made from soy wax which burns at a lower temperature and can be massaged into skin as a moisturiser afterwards.
Pain Play
Many mild S&M fantasies revolve around spanking or whipping. Pleasure and pain is inextricably linked in the minds of some people. In reality, spanking increases the blood flow to the genital area and therefore there is clear evidence that it can turn us on biologically!
Floggers, whilst looking fearsome, if used carefully do not inflict pain at all. Other items such as whips should be used with great care and restraint. Some women have very sensitive nipples and there are a huge variety of nipple clamps available which can send constant pain/pleasure feeling coursing through the body.
Anal Play
If done right, anal play is painless and can be intensely pleasurable. See our Anal Sex Tip which is dedicated to information about anal sex. Anal play can often follow placing restraints on a partner. To get the best from anal play follow these simple rules:
* Relax - don't tighten up
* Use plenty of lubrication
* Penetrate slowly and give your partner time to adjust
* If you want to use toys, use those specifically designed for anal sex that have a flared base
* To avoid infection never penetrate anyone vaginally with a toy or body part that has been inserted anally.
Role Play
Many BDSM games are centred on role play. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
The Photo Shoot. Take sexy photos, then pay the photographer with sexual favours
Go out to Dinner. The dominant makes the rules. The submissive has to follow.
Mad Scientist. Dominant scientist experiments on 'victim'
Crime & Punishment. Submissive wears 'hooker' clothes and is arrested.
Playing Army. The resistance fighter is captured by the local army
Safety Issues
A key component of bondage play is to make sure that your games are safe. Here's a quick overview of how to ensure that you have fun and it stays that way.
Safeword - agree a word between partners that means 'stop'.
Limits - agree specifically what is not allowed under any circumstances
New partners - Always let someone know where you will be if you have a new partner and arrange for a call to confirm that you are OK
Floggers / Paddles / Whips - Some cause no pain at all, others can harm if used wrongly. Never strike anyone on face, neck, kidneys or lower back.
Candle Wax - S&M Candles are the best. Low temperature and contains moisturisers. Stay away from beeswax or black candles.
Tying up - Silk scarves and nylon stockings seem soft and friendly, but knots can get very tight and difficult to undo. Bondage Rope is actually far safer. Never place anything over nose or mouth. We don't like the use of gags, for the simple reason that the submissive can't say the safe word.
Never leave a restrained person alone for any reason! |
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